Living with Lyle

Problem Number Two:

Lyle’s special time

            About a month into the semester Lyle went home for the weekend, and generously offered up his bed to any guests. I decided to take advantage of this and have a buddy from back home come up and visit me. After a pretty decent night of showing my friend the campus and exposing him to the night life, we decided it was time for bed. My friend (who had grown up sleeping in the top bunk), pulled himself up with ease, but he almost came crashing back down when he pulled the blanket away. 

            “Awww dude, that is so wrong.” My friend exclaimed as I pulled my self out of the bottom bunk to see what got such a rise out of him. I looked over the gate (that Lyle had campus safety install because he was afraid of falling out,) and there lying flat in the center of the bed was single, large, and dare I say crusty tube sock.

            It would seriously shock you to know how fast I came to the horrible realization that Lyle was not in fact the restless sleeper I had thought him to be. And the violent spring squeaking I often heard above me wasn’t just him trying to get comfortable. It also put in perspective the good amount of photo’s of his long distance girlfriend he had hung up by his pillow.

            Unfortunately this problem did not die with that sock; actually I have thrown away a great deal of Lyle’s socks since then, mainly because they drift down from his bed to mine. Basically I cant imagine any other way a sock would be able to travel from the foot to the head of the mattress, and therefore it must go. One horrible afternoon I lay down only to find a copy the “Bare, the schools first sex publication” peeking out from his mattress.

            In fairness he typically tries conceal this little hobby. For example if I walk into the room, he will pull the covers up (occasionally too much, so that I might see his boxers are at his knee’s) and pretend to be sleeping.

            At the end of the day, masturbation is what it is. If you got to do it, then go for it. But have a little decency for the guy whose face is three feet below you.